I've lived in a large metro area for over 20 years. My suburb was no more than 20 minutes to one of the most fabulous malls in the state. A variety of necessity shopping was within walking distance and restaurants were open until midnight - every night. I worked in at a research university and was accustomed to eating at every imaginable ethnic cafe. Arabic food became the norm since there were so many and the Cony Islands all had spinach pie and lemon rice soup. Costco and DSW were two of my favorite places to just hang out. The big city was about a 30 minute drive. I love museums and this city had the best. I raised my son and others who lived with us exploring the art museum, the historical museums and an outdoor village recreating life from other times, two science hands-on centers, mansions of car moguls and plenty of gardens and sports teams.
There were drawbacks too. Traffic is ever present. My normal drive to the university took 45 minutes on a good day. The trip home usually took 1 hour and 10 minutes because the highway became a parking lot. Add snow and it's 1.5 hours. But I listened to books a lot and became very educated on current news and issues because of talk radio.
Suburbs are designed in a way that you have to be purposeful to get to know your neighbors. The yards are fenced (usually 6 foot wooden fences that create a mini oasis after braving the commute). Garages have openers so that as you approach with a click of the opener, you glide in and close the door. This offers you the peace of not having to talk to another person if desired. I was lucky in that our neighborhood had sidewalks. At least people and children used them to ride bikes and walk dogs and it gave me a chance to meet some people. We don't have front porches where you can sit when it's warm outside and chat with people strolling by. My neighbor had a stoop where she would sit and drink coffee, talk on her cell, or smoke. That's how I got to know her. I'd cross the street and we'd sit and talk about how to raise our kids. Regrettably, nobody else on my street did this and so I didn't get to know them well.
I could go to the grocery store for a year and not run into anyone else that I knew. How is that possible? I taught in the community for 12 years, I lived in that community, went to church, and my children attended school for 21 years there. It made shopping a quicker experience, but I felt lonely sometimes, wishing someone would stop me for a chat. That's the price you pay in the suburbs - isolation. There must be purpose and intentionality to build relationships. Oh, it's possible, but hard. You can go to church, but even then, most people won't go out of their way to introduce themselves to you and invite you to a small group or over to their house. They either are already involved with a group of people and don't think about expanding, or just so used to thinking that someone else will initiate the friendship that they just ignorantly go on their way. There are community sports teams or your children's events too that you can meet people. However, I've found that building relationships is tough work in the suburbs and you have to decide that you will do whatever it takes to create your community. Others won't do it for you. It makes for a lot of lonely people because most won't reach out to them. I suppose it's the same in the country too. That isolation I mean...and loneliness.
