Exploring

I love to explore new things. I like new experiences and have loads of curiosity.  My husband doesn't like to visit galleries or museums with me because I wonder about things. Deeply.  I read all of the narratives included in exhibits. I sit or stand in front of it and think about how it was created or the thought process of the designer. It's a bit time consuming and my dear man would rather scan the exhibits and move on. I appreciated his going on adventures with me even if it wasn't the top curiosity on his list. However, he enjoyed cultural events. If there was music and food, he was right there with me.

When I lived in the suburbs, I found it interesting that there was a high percentage of people who didn't take advantage of local culture and events. For instance, we had world class museums, a Thanksgiving Day parade to rival New York's, art institutes, and beautiful gardens. There was a Dream Cruise event, art fairs, ethnic festivals, and auto industry mansions. Yet many of my suburban aquaintances rarely took advantage of these fabulous places in the city. I also travel a lot and have found that many people all across our country do not visit their local cities and cultural places. I wonder why this is? We will travel across states on vacation to hike a park, to see a musical, or to explore a museum and yet neglect what might be around the corner.

In the country we have interesting cultural events too and just as in the suburbs, many in the country do not take advantage of them either. I have a few thoughts as to why people are hesitant to venture out to places or do activities that are new. Some people just don't like new things. They like visiting the familiar. Others don't want to deal with parking. I get that. Going to a new place and having to figure out where to park is stressful. Will it be on the street, in a lot or in a garage? I hate parking garages and if I think I'll have to park in a garage, I might reconsider going. However, if there is even a tiny spark of the adventurous spirit in you, I highly recommend putting aside the fear of the unknown and the stress that might entail and try out a new thing.

Let me share two that I explored this Thanksgiving week-end. Maybe I can persuade one of my readers to try something new, close to home. The first event, Weihnachtsfest (Christmas fest), was held in my Swiss hometown. We tasted a variety of chilis for the local chili cook-off along with hot cocoa and homemade cookies.  The downtown was lit by luminaries and the local stores had specials. Children enjoyed a live nativity, a tractor pulled trolly, and a petting zoo. It was a small event, but beautiful and just the right note to start the Christmas season. Even my husband got lost in wonder at the flower shop/gift store decked out better than a Hollywood Christmas movie set. Gone were the crowds, the pushing, and the big deals. Instead, a crisp, clear night full of smiling, peaceful people surrounded us.

The second event, Holly Trolly Shopping, was in a nearby small city. Who wouldn't like riding a trolly? This was a new adventure for me and I didn't know what to expect.  All I knew was that the trollies were free and that there were two routes that traveled around the city, dropping the travelers off at different points. They advertised pop-up market stops along with regular stores and establishments. How fun! My only exposure to the "pop up" concept was from a reality show called Gallery Girls that included a story line about  pop up art. I wondered if pop up markets might be similar. Parking downtown was free, and the first pop up market was right where I wanted to start the trolly shopping. First, the huge popcorn bucket sign advertised all I wanted to know about this pop up. Dill, candy apple, and caramel were just a few of the interesting flavors available to try. My favorite vendor created unique jewelry out of car and truck parts. Yeah, it sounds weird, but I couldn't pass up a necklace made from a '65 Chevy truck and a '60 VW bug. I hopped on the trolly and got off at the fort. Yes, a recreated stockade fort. Re-enactors demonstrated and sold authentic pottery, food, iron work, woodwork, and other items available to people who lived here 200 years ago. The trolly meandered past Science Central, and another small shopping neighborhood before winding back to the downtown area. I hopped off at a couple of other places by the art museum and browsed through a local art gallery.


One of the last stops was by a coffee shop. Picture the faces of the children on the trolly when Santa stepped on board handing out candy canes. I couldn't help but grin at the toddler who wouldn't stop waving "Bye-bye Santa," until he couldn't see him any longer.

Neither of these two cultural events were big. Not big like the festivals I attended in the city. But they were magical in a way. Beautiful, and just right. I'm so glad I was curious and went somewhere I'd never been and did something I'd never done. It felt good to support local artists and small town shops rather than a big box store for my gift giving. The best part of the whole week-end was that I didn't know where I was going. I hopped on a trolly and went where it took me, ready for the adventure of it all.

Why I Love Fashion and How the Bible Supports It

I was literally 10 seconds away from trying on a coral, petal blossomed, off the shoulder $10,000 Monique Lhuillier creation at Neiman's Last Call today when my son called to say he was ready to go to lunch.

I decided on a whim to go back to the suburbs for a short visit with my girlfriends and to see my son, who I have not seen for a few months. Today was the day that I would visit Neiman's to just browse in awe of designers who know how to dress women. There is nothing like it in the rural area in which I live, nor in the state for that matter. But once you go and realize that you too can look like a movie star for a few minutes, you're hooked forever. My excitement rose when I hit the parking lot and saw the slightly off-centered sign that announces you've arrived. Immediately when I walked through the doors, I made a bee-line to the shoes to the left. Oh...the shoes. They sit on the shelves just daring you to try them on. Each pair, a matched work of art, one more interesting than the next. First, I held the teal lacy, leather Louboutins, mesmerized by the delicacy of the stiletto, yet knowing the strength when walking on them. I browsed Jimmy Choo, Tory Burch, and Manolo Blahnik. My favorite was a pair of buttery soft, beige suede, peep-toed Manolo Blahnik boots that were a little over $1000. Crazy, isn't it? Oh, but were they a dream to walk in. After imagining owning them and then snapping back to reality, I took them off, put back on my own boots, and wandered over to the gowns. I had just started taking the Lhuillier confection off the rack when my phone rang. Josh was hungry and I knew trying on the gown would take a while. And...since there is no occasion in which I NEED a $10,000 dress, I hung it up and left to meet with him.

I know...it seems silly to get joy out of trying on outrageously priced clothes you won't buy, but I look at clothes such as these as pieces of art. I love Project Runway. I love the designers' challenges where you get to see them create amazing looks. You see them struggle through the process and have that insider view regarding how much thinking as well as physical hand work goes into each piece. I also love browsing in museums. On every business trip I go on, I will find a gallery or art institute to visit. Ken swears he will not go to art galleries with me because he knows that I stare at the artwork and wonder about them. Sometimes, I'll sit on the benches in front of a large painting for a while to just gaze. I ask questions.  I ponder at the "how did they do that?" My favorite experiences in a museum are the docent tours. These tours have experts who walk around with you and explain everything you want to know about the works and the artists.  Last spring when I visited the American History Museum in D.C., I went twice to the gallery that held the dresses of the President's wives. The clothes are much the same to me as artwork. I also consider stores such as Chanel, Saks, and Neiman's as art galleries where beautiful pieces of wearable art are exhibited. The difference between museums and the stores, is that I can try the pieces on! I gaze at the fabric and the designs as I consider the craftsmanship. Can you imagine how wonderful it would be to have docents at the store who could tell you the story of that dress from its original collection? Perhaps they do - personal shoppers.

For my male friends, think about the Detroit auto show. Have you ever sat in a $1,000,000 car at the auto show and just smiled? Maybe you inspected the engine and smoothed your hand over the interior leather. Perhaps you tried out some of the gadgets. Maybe when you purchase a new vehicle, you choose the red truck over the grey one because you know it is just plain cool. It's that same inner appreciation for art and design.

I'm not by far an artist in any way. I can hardly hem a seam by hand let alone think up designs. I wish I knew how to paint a landscape or a scene I find interesting. I don't have those skills and talents. However, I very much enjoy viewing them. In some small way, the clothes I choose to wear are a reflection of my inner desire to be "artful". I like mixing the things I have in interesting ways. I think how we dress, how we decorate our homes, how we style our hair, how we scrapbook, take pictures, do our make-up, what we drive, how we style our home,even how we cook is a reflection of our inner selves. Everything we do or wear is a quiet reflection about who we are. It's the one visible statement that tells the world what judgement we want it to make about us in a glance. When we walk out of our house wearing workout clothes, or jeans, knee-high boots and a tee, or a cocktail dress, we are telling a story about ourselves that others get to watch and wonder about.

I love to people watch when I'm places like Neiman's and Saks or at Rural King.  Anywhere I happen to be, I watch people.  I see two things when I look at people. First, I notice God's personal design in each human being.  Each of us is a magnificent piece of art. God crafted us with a purpose in mind. In another post I might discuss someday how we, the artwork, often tell the designer that he didn't do a very good job. But that's for another day. The second thing I notice is how you design yourself. The moment we walk out our door we are giving all the world some sort of message, whether we know it or not. The great thing about us is that since we change our clothes, hair, and make-up every day, we transform ourselves into new works each day.

This leads me to what I meditated upon while driving to see my son then after saying goodbye  to those wonderful never-to-be-worn-by-me clothes. Rom 2:12 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." See, Paul tells us to not conform with ready-to-wear clothes but be transformed with designer one-of-a-kinds! (Please! Just kidding) However, if our mind tells us that we don't matter, and that no one cares about us, there is a strong link to how we dress. I know you probably think I'm stretching it here, but I see a connection after so many years in ministry. If we believe that we have to dress provocatively, in a sexual way, to get attention, I think it stems from the pain of not having a strong positive male figure in our early years telling us how precious and beautiful we were.  We may also dress in defiance or rebellion of what is considered "normal" because of unwanted or inappropriate male attention. If we have low self-esteem and are embarrassed by any attention, we dress in a boring way to disappear and would never wear anything that might draw compliments. Then there are people who belong to various culture groups. and their dress reflects their sense of belonging to that group (gangs, Amish, goth, country, hip-hop, gallery girls, etc.). When we look at people in these groups, again, we immediately know something about them by how they present themselves. 

When God tells us to transform our minds, he is telling us that we need to change what we are thinking on. Philippians 4:8 tells us,"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Sure, I know that Paul isn't telling us to think about lovely clothes, but I certainly believe that how we present ourselves to the world reflects how we view ourselves, and how we view ourselves is a direct link to what we think about. God wants us to BE true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Not only think on things that are that way, but be that way yourself. Isn't that what a transformed mind does? Consider these questions. Do my actions reflect being truthful, honorable and right thinking? Do I behave with pure motives? Am I lovely and admirable? Do I work with excellence all the time and is what I do worthy of my boss's or spouse's praise? 

Obviously clothes do not define who we are. I know that. But they do give insight into who we are. I am deeper than what I wear. I am complex and a seeker of truth. Clothes tell part of my story but not all of it. You have to get to know me, and must get past what I wear, if I dress differently than you, in order to appreciate what I might have to offer you. People judge with first impressions. It's not a bad thing, it's just how all people are. When you or I leave the house, we are reflecting an internal message. I wonder what message will say to the world tomorrow? What will yours?

Once Upon A Time

Ever since I can remember, I've loved fairy tales. Last year when the ABC show, Once Upon A Time, premiered, I was hooked. I loved the interplay between Storybrook and fairytale land. I loved the premise that the characters didn't know who they were and that it took the sacrificed daughter to break the curse.

Of course it makes me think about the parallels to my faith. I'm sure the creators of the show didn't think, "How could we take the idea of fairy tales and share the gospel through it?" But if you sift the episodes, it's revealed. In the beginning, the Evil Queen uses her magic to place a curse over the inhabitants of Once Upon A Time and transports them to Maine to live in Storybrook, a modern day town. The curse prevents the inhabitants from knowing who they really are. Before the curse took hold, Snow White and Prince Charming had a child, the savior who could break the curse and restore the knowledge of their true identities. The entire first season is this child, now an adult, living life in Storybrook, understanding its residents and working to figure out the truth. Eventually, all is revealed. Once the curse is broken, the residents remember who they are, but are still stuck in the place that is not their true home.

It's not a perfect story of redemption, but I'm sure you see the similarities. When sin entered the world, the human race was cursed. Our intimate relationship with God was severed, and thus began the battle for our identity. Sin causes us to believe the lies of Satan. He tells us that we are the sin that ensnares us. If our sin is sex, then we identify ourselves as a player, a hook-up, etc. If our sin is anger, we shrug it off and say it's just my personality. If our sin is bitterness, we demand our right to be right, to hang onto the hurt, and claim victimhood. If our sin is food, we identify ourselves as husky, pleasantly plump, or super skinny knowing that we are abusing our bodies one way or another. Maybe our sin is money. We identify ourselves as thrifty, never giving to those in need. Or maybe our identity is defined by how much we give to others, but behind closed doors, are over our head in debt. All of us, again, all of us, have been cursed. We struggle with the curse in different ways, just as Snow White and Prince Charming did in Storybrook.

When Jesus died on the cross to break the curse of sin and to restore our relationship with God again, he gave us the opportunity to regain our true identity. As in Storybrook, just because the residents now had their eyes opened to the curse, they didn't immediately begin to behave as their true selves.  We also may understand that we no longer have to live in bondage to the curse, but because it was a part of our lives for so long, we often revert to cursed behavior.   The wonderful thing about Jesus is that we now have him to free us from that curse. If we revert to old behavior, we can receive forgiveness. If we allow God to work through us, he will also change the old identity into our true one. Some people are freed immediately from old bondage, while for others he works out the old identity in ways that may not seem quick enough. The key is that we must cooperate with him. Do we honestly want to be free? Or are we so tied to our cursed identity that we are afraid to trust that we can truly become a new person?

Snow and Charming still lived in the cursed land after the first season. We also still lived in a cursed land. We still struggle with the behavior of others, situations that result from nothing we did, the economy of our community, etc. The Storybook residents knew there was another place that was their true home.Someday, we have the hope of living in a new land, a place that is prepared in ways that we can only imagine. If the beauty of this earth is only a glimpse of what is to come, I can't wait to get there.

Are You REALLY Friendly or Are You Just Polite?

In the suburbs, I never struggled with friendships. People came and left in such short times, that people automatically reached out to build community quickly. I had a lot of friends there who still are my friends, even though they are far away. With them I learned how to pray, how to love, how to go deep in my faith, how to question matters of faith, and most of all how to be relationally intimate with people as we went through life with all of its chaos and crises.Moving to the country was anxiety filled. Would I have friends? Would people like me? Would they accept me? These are basic fears that all of us face whenever we experience change.

People always think they are friendly don't they? But exactly what does it mean to be friendly? Every pastor wants his church to be known as a friendly place, a place where people can develop relationships easily. But how do you really know if your church, your group, or that you yourself are relational and open to community - to new people? It's especially hard when you've been a part of a group or a congregation for a long period of time because your perspective is skewed. Maybe you have friends or family that are a part of your group and so of course you feel loved and accepted. But how well does that translate to outsiders? Just because you experience friendship does not mean that others do.

One of the interesting things about not pastoring for a while is that we got to be the new people in churches. In some ways, we still are the new people with our current church. Being in that position allows you to observe and evaluate without blinders. My experience pretty much everywhere I went was that churches had a lot of nice, polite people... who kept to their same group of friends and family. As a newcomer, one of the worst times in a church service is when people insist that you shake hands with those around you. It's awful for those who are not in the "in" group because now you are forced to shake hands with people who really are not interested in being your friend. So what do most people do in churches where this is done? They sit only near their friends and family, determined not to get out of their comfort zone and meet new people. New people already feel awkward and now they are forced to shake hands with people who either already just introduced themselves or could have and chose not to. Either way, it's uncomfortable for the new person.

The ten minutes before and after church are challenging for the newcomer too, especially if they've attended a couple of times. They see groups of people chatting and laughing while they long to be included. However, no one invites them to join in on the conversation. Someone might introduce themselves or say hi, but no one invites the new people to lunch or probe a little to see if they might want to visit a small group or an upcoming event. For the most part, the new ones are ignored. They soon learn to arrive right before church starts and leave immediately so that they don't feel the pain of lonliness. However, the regular attender might pat themselves on the back thinking they that since they said, "Hi," that they are a friendly person. In reality, they were only polite.

 People seeking a new church are seeking a sense of belonging. They are seeking friends who they can grow with. If it were only about hearing a good sermon, they would watch church on tv or listen to podcasts. New people don't have friends nor a sense of community, yet want them very much.

Creating community, being friendly, means invitations to homes to hang out, play cards, go out to dinner, small groups, or social events. It means being intentional about seeking out the newer ones and making sure they find a group to meet people. It means that YOU do it and not think someone else will. If you do not step out of your comfort zone of established friends and family, you are missing out on being the church. You are then only inward focused instead of outward focused. It's not enough to say to a new person, "We'll have to have you come over for dinner." You need to call them that week and invite them over. It hurts to think someone cares and then to find that they've forgotten what they said or worse, didn't really intend to invite you over.

Here's the thing... I've learned that people may think they are friendly, but in reality are only polite. Politeness is talking to someone because you happen to be at the same place at the same time, like in the foyer at church or in the aisle at the grocery store.  Politeness is shaking someone's hand because someone told you to. Politeness is telling someone about a class or an event that your group offers but not going with them. It's polite, but it's not relational. People want community and real relationships. It's how we are designed. Relationships cannot be developed in large group settings. It requires intimate settings, not settings with lots of people such as a church pot luck or a graduation party or multiple families going to a restaurant. It means dinners or lunch dates one family to one family, going out or being in together, completing a task together, etc. Often times, the regulars of a group think that it's the new person's responsibility to seek out community. How backwards and wrong thinking that is!

Relationship building takes much effort. Why do you suppose many choose to be polite but not friendly? Maybe the reason so many don't want to invest in new friendships is because of the cost. It costs time and effort as well as emotional currency. There is accountability involved. Maybe they are satisfied with their circle of family and friends and it doesn't even cross their mind that others might need a friend. Since they are busy maintaining what they already have, they don't want to invest in someone new. Being polite comes easier. There's no deep cost involved. Being friendly, on the other hand, has a price tag. But all of us need friends, not just polite acquaintances.

What happens when a new person takes the initiative to visit a new church and finds politeness rather than community? What happens to those who've been so hurt by people in the past that they are scared to even try to make first moves toward relationships in a new community? They will either stop trying or they will go elsewhere with all of their gifts, talents, and abilities, and most of all - their love. I can't tell you how many people are lonely in my rural town, wishing others would reach out. Over the past few months, many have shared their disillusionment about what some people call "friendly." We live in a community of politeness, of strong family ties, but I wonder if it values building deep friendship with new people, of being an authentic, Biblical community?

How do you want your church or group known by outsiders? I want to be a part of the church that is KNOWN as being one that seeks to build authentic friendships. That those who've been hurt elsewhere can come and find healing through relationships they find here. It will NEVER happen if you think others will do it. It starts with you.

So here's my challenge, questions for you to consider: Do you consider yourself polite, or friendly with new people? How will you change that? What new person (not already a part of your circle of family and friends) will you determine to befriend with all that entails? How can we authentically call ourselves a community of believers if we are not a community for everyone?  How do we build intentional community? Do you want to? Does it matter?

Why I Don't Support Direct Marketing or MLM Parties

I used to be a Mary Kay consultant. I sold the products for many years and developed a small, but loyal group of customers. I wanted to make some extra money to pay for my husband's truck. I bought the whole "You can't sell from an empty wagon" manipulation that the sales director, also my recruiter, layed on me and purchased a large amount of inventory BEFORE I ever learned how to sell or how to find customers. I never learned how to sell, but I sure learned how to stalk people. The sales director (SD) told me that it was for my benefit that I had all of this inventory, that I would sell more. I later figured out, once I was in the company longer and understood the whole pyramid scheme, that as my recruiter, she made at least 13-25% off of all my orders.  Since she was a director she also got bonuses for recruiting me with a large order. She didn't care if I sold anything, she only cared that I ordered product.

Here was a trick that many, many SDs , including mine, use when gaining a wide-eyed recruit - they order for you first time. They order lots of product that they know that you won't sell. For instance, if you live in an area with one prominent racial group, they order skin care and color that won't look good on your group of expected customers. They might have you order product that will soon be discontinued or have a packaging change. They know well in advance and just happen to not tell the newbies. Or they might order a lot of men's skin care or perfume that won't sell much outside of a holiday. Why would they knowingly do this? So that the consultant has to order again, of course and so that the recruiter makes money off of that order.

They tell you that "The product sells itself." That is such a lie. First, while they will tell you that the brand is the #1 selling brand of skin care and cosmetics in the country, what they don't tell you is that the end customer is the consultant, not a real customer. Most consultants, around 90%, quit with product still sitting on their shelf aging away and are mislead with their ability to return it.  With 90% of recruits leaving each year, that's a whole lot of new people a recruiter has to replace along with pulling those large initial orders so that she can continue to be a SD or car driver. The truth is that any consultant can quit and return all of the product she bought within the last year, today's date and back 12 months, a rolling year. However, many recruiters will tell consultants that they can return their product only in the first year. Not true.

Mary Kay does not track actual sales from a consultant to a customer, only to consultants. Once a new consultant flies through her warm market (friends and family), she struggles tremendously with stalking strangers in grocery stores, her kids' sports groups, etc. to meet new people that she can convince to hold a party for her. Let me tell you, you find yourself going to all kinds of levels of low in order to convince that unsuspecting person to agree to hold a party. These women are told to offer a compliment such as, "You are such a sharply dressed woman, I just had to tell you how much I like your...(fill in the blank)" Another one I was told to do is, "I'm in a contest to find 30 women this month to be a model for me. You would make an awesome addition to my portfolio." Or the ever popular booth gimmick. You set up a booth at a local event with a big basket that you say you are giving away. No one actually wins it, but now you have lots of names and numbers who you can call and say, "You didn't win the basket, but you did win a lip gloss and a free pampering session. Who do you know who deserves to be pampered with you?" The contests are not real. You make them up or your director does.

So you might wonder why women would continue to rack up untold amounts of debt to stay with a company like this. It's because MK uses cult-like tactics to convince and love bomb women to continue on, all wrapped up in their version of Christianity. The sell the dream that God will bless them with wealth and material things. Each week they insist that you attend "sales meetings". There is nothing that happens at these meetings that help consultants sell anything except recruiting more members. They reward women with bling and bags (they look flashy but are cheap or knock-offs) if they recruit and order. Each year on a national level they have prizes for women for recruiting and ordering. Notice, that I didn't say selling. Remember, they don't track actual customer sales. However, the sash they get to wear when they are honored says "Queen's Court of Sales". Why is she a queen of sales? Because she herself bought the most that year in her area. Many, many women buy their titles and positions within this company.

I know personally numerous women who had tens of thousands of dollars of product sitting on their shelves. They were in tremendous debt, but they had shiny, bling-bing  jewelry, knock-off coach bags, girl's night out overnight trips, coffee mugs,  and other incentives they received for placing big orders - whether they sold it or not. Women crave recognition and MK delivers it to them if they buy more product. For those who place humongous orders over the year, they get bigger bling and bigger trips. But we're talking in the tens of thousands and hundreds of thousands here. It's all taxed and not gifted. Their is also a cast system displayed by red jackets, suits and sashes with pins that women wear so that their rank is evident without having to say anything. Again, some women want recognition and a sense of belonging. If they can buy their way into this group and be fawned over by spending money on product they don't need, well then, they'll do it. Others join because their sister, mom, best friend, etc. asked them to to help them make a goal. They didn't intend to start a business but once in were love bombed and deftly convinced to buy much more product than they originally intended. Truly, group think can have a strong hold on someone. That's why cults are so hideous. They get you to eliminate the people in your life who might dare question your decision and behavior or to ask for proof (like a Schedule C) that there is profit from a sales director to me made. Oh no...these are Negative Nellies and you need to surround yourself with supportive people. Now they have you in their pink fog and you become devoted to the mission/religion of MK.

One of the things that those in the pink fog will say is that no one held a gun to your head to purchase all that product. No, they didn't, but those directors have scripts designed to either entice the consultant or play on her emotions depending on her DISC personality type. And they do use them effectively. The SD might plead to s..t...r...e...t....c..h to help out the unit. "Can't you just put in a little $200 order to help the team earn the use of a free car?" BTW, the car isn't free because it has huge co-pays if the consultant doesn't produce enough orders from her team, and you are required to use the high-priced MK car insurance. Second, it's not a team car, because only the recruiter gets to drive it.

There comes a day when the consultant realizes that products on Ebay are cheaper than what she can sell and make a profit on. She goes on Craigslist and sees that there are dozens of consultants who are quitting and selling their inventory for below wholesale costs. Her area is saturated with consultants and she discovers that women find the product overpriced for drugstore quality products. She realizes that the women whom she looked up to in this business encourage less than ethical tactics, minimize the risks and true costs, and only look at women for what orders she can get from them rather than as a friend. Finally, when a woman decides to send  it all back for a 90% refund because the thousands of dollars sitting on her shelf  didn't help her make the money she thought it would, she literally gets shunned by the very people in MK she thought were life-time girlfriends. That's the ultimately sad and despicable part. She's made to feel like a loser and a "Negative Nellie" because she dare give up the dream. In reality she's made to feel bad for quitting because her recruiter and SD have to pay back to the company any commissions they made off of her orders when she returns that product. These dreams only work for the top 1 % of women who got into the pyramid years ago before the country got saturated and by conning them out of their money up front.

It's an evil system designed to manipulate women out of their hard-earned money for a dream that fails over 90% who try.  They misuse the Word of God, claiming things that God never intended. That's why I refuse to support any direct marketing company or MLM.  This includes groups such as Pampered Chef, 31 Gifts, Longenberger, Amway, Shakley, or any new one that pops up. If you think that MK is the only one that's like this, read this testimony recently posted by one of the top Avon elite representatives in the nation, a woman with a PhD:

http://www.pinktruth.com/board/index.php?topic=2693.0

I stayed in a long time in the 90's for about 8 years while I taught Head Start. I didn't make a profit for the first two years. I made a little in the following years, but not enough to justify my time and hard effort. In reality, I made less than minimum wage when you add up my time and expenses. You may think that your MLM or DM company is different. I can guarantee, that like a casino, the house always wins. All of them have recruiting and ordering tactics and scripts designed to make the house win. To read more about true stories from people like me, Sales Directors and a NIQ, go to www.pinktruth.com. I'm interested in hearing your stories.

Fatherhood Paid For by You

I am pro-dad. I am also pro-American Taxpayer. I stumbled across this site today and have a puzzled feeling about it. I'm glad our government considers fatherhood important


http://www.fatherhood.gov/

I consider myself pretty savvy about government websites being as I'm an Early Childhood Educator and use some to gather statistics.

But I wondered if anyone ever heard of this site outside of DC and actually used it? It's been around since Clinton's time. It's a site that is taxpayer funded. And I've never heard of it. So many non-profits have great pro-dad websites that I wonder why as a taxpayer I'm funding this particular one? It has a library search engine for locating journal articles, but any library can help you with that and only researchers would generally use it.

So I thought maybe it's helpful for dads to connect with a program in their state and so I followed the directions to locate them. One was a parenting site for Indiana and the other one was the Indiana Department of Corrections!!! Yes, that is a site that dads should contact as a program to help them be a better father. (sarcastic emoticon inserted here!)

Then I wondered how many other things are already being done well better by others and yet we as taxpayers are funding identical or lesser quality websites and programs?

Thoughts? Or am I off-based?

Culture: Who Am I?

Living in the suburbs and working at a major university put me in the middle of lots of cultures different than mine. Those of us in education  know that this past decade's buzz words were "cultural diversity" and "multicultural education".  However, many of us who are midwestern Caucasian Christians often feel we don't have a culture. One trip to the local big box grocery store was like going overseas. People were dressed in a variety of ways not often seen in the country. Islamic women wore hijab to burkahs. Indian and Pakistani women wore saris. We had a large Middle Eastern community as well as Eastern Asia living within our community. Our school district included over 35 different languages. Depending on what part of the community you happened to be in, Christianity was not the majority religion. As you can imagine, this allowed us to sample and enjoy food from all over the world with authenticity - not Americanized versions.  Being in this environment was fabulous, but at the same time caused me to wonder more about my own culture. Did I have one?

Of course we all have a culture. It's made up by our race, our ethnicity, family traditions, rituals, religion, and community. Each one of us value particular things, eat particular foods for family gatherings, and celebrate milestones in specific ways that is unique to our culture. But being a White Midwesterner seemed boring compared to other people's culture.

Last summer, my second cousin invited me to be a part of her Ancestry.com page. I was intrigued by how much work she put into it and the information she found about our side of the family. It was exciting enough that I began my own page. Without  paying for access (Yeah...I'm frugal), I was able to start the tree and use other google sources to trace my family back to Switzerland back to the 1500s! I found newspaper articles about past relatives in the civil war and a gravestone of one who fought in the Revolutionary War. The most interesting articles though were about my religious roots. Most of us who grew up in my hometown have Anabaptist roots. Our Old Order ancestors came here from Switzerland because of religious persecution and to have freedom to practice faith without government interference.  Because of disagreements within the community in the later 1800s many left the Old Order Amish congregations and became New Order Mennonites (we called it Numanese in my family on Grandma's side), Defenseless Mennonites which later became the Missionary Church (which my family went to), and other Mennonite denominations. However, through all of this in my family's past, certain values, traditions, and food remained. I celebrate my Swiss heritage at our local festival each year and eat the food, but a part of me still wondered how it came about.

I write all of this because last week I went with my parents to an Amish family's home for dinner. It brought much of what I discovered about my culture full circle. As I ate particular foods, memories of Grandmas's cooking was apparent. She chopped her salad and made that sweet dressing the same way. She made that sweet sugar cream pie. The German accented English of the family reminded me of how Grandpa spoke. At the end of the evening, the family sang songs. They were hauntingly similar to mountain music of Appalachia. When they sang the German hymns, I was transported back centuries to hymns people sang soon after the Reformation. These German hymns have been passed down from one generation to the next. One of the guests asked the Grandmother of the home if she would yodel. Again, memories of Grandpa yodeling came to mind.

At the end, it was an evening reflecting on my roots and how I am the person I am today. Honestly, I was pretty amazed and a little proud. I came from an amazing group of people who thought that their beliefs and way of life was worth leaving what they knew, to go to an unknown place. Today many people of my culture also face persecution for what we believe. No, we don't face death, but we face losing jobs, being jailed, being called intolerant, etc. for being of a particular faith and having conviction to speak about our faith. My son was detained by police two years ago along with others jailed for even being associated with Christianity in our former suburban home. I wonder how people today will face this challenge of wanting to live out their faith in an intolerant environment?

Tennis Tournament and God's Name

We have girls in our church who play tennis. Yesterday my husband suggested we watch them play in a tournament that included three other rural community schools. As the girls and coaches gathered on the court for introductions and rules, we couldn't help but notice an interesting one. Along with being told that spectators have to be 10 feet away from the fence and coaches only could be on the sidelines of the court, the players were informed that they could not take the Lord's name in vain. Wait...what?

I can honestly say that I was pleasantly surprised. I don't like hearing people swear. Granted, there are times when only certain words fit a situation such as extreme pain (think catching your finger in the door) or incredible frustration, but overall, there really isn't a reason for general cursing, swearing and using profanity. Some people speak this way out of habit. Others, use it just to be perceived as tough, cool, or because they want to fit in with a group who speaks that way. But why do people use the name of God or Jesus Christ to swear? In Michigan, where many Muslims live, I never heard anyone damn anything by Allah or just say Mohammed as a swear word. Trust me, if you did that in Dearborn, you would have need to be concerned for yourself. In West Bloomfield, I never heard anyone use Yahweh in a way that was irreverent. But for some reason, people just use God or Jesus Christ in ways that are not prayerful or in discussion about their faith. I strike it up to bigotry against Christianity, or lack of sensitivity to be aware that it offends many, much like racial slurs offend.

But, back to the tennis match. Never, in the suburbs, did I ever hear a sports official address this specifically. In some respects, it is sad that high school students (and I'm also assuming their parents) have to be reminded of sportsmanlike language. On the other hand, the official could have just said, "No swearing or using offensive language." But I appreciate that he thought it important to remind all of us that even when things do not go our way, we have a choice in what words we choose to use. This rural community still honors traditional standards of many who live here. While not everyone believes in God, at least I've noticed that they have a tolerance for those who do.

Snow Removal?

I've just experienced my first big snow in the country. Maybe 4-6 inches fell. It's not a "big" snowfall, but it's the hardest so far here. Our previous state was known for heavy snow and so I was well versed in icy conditions and slush. I had a daily commute on mostly interstate highways of 45 minutes one way on a good day, and up to 2 hours in bad weather. I scheduled my work hours based on traffic patterns and weather because the highways were always backed up even in good weather. No matter how heavy the snowfall, the plows and salt trucks were out all hours until the bad conditions on the highways and local roads were gone. I often needed to wash my car because salt trucks were liberal with their supply on the highways. Even my subdivision in the city was plowed at least a day after a hard snowfall. Seeing the salt trucks and snowplows was a common sight.

So now, back to my experience in the country. I now have a commute from a city to the country with the majority of the drive on smaller, 2-lane highways. I assumed that since the traffic is always light, that driving on highways in snowy weather would be much easier than my previous experience. I was wrong. The major highway through town and the main streets don't appear plowed because apparently the town doesn't put the blade all the way down so as to conserve wear and tear. Seriously...this is what I was told. Since there remains a good two-inch layer of snow left on the roads, salt is almost useless - it can't reach the ice. Last night after dinner, the roads were still in this unplowed looking condition and we continued to slip and skid even though the majority of the snowfall had stopped hours before. No truck or plow was in sight.

As I read today's paper, I came across an article about the county worrying that it won't use up all of it's salt supply this year since they haven't had to use as much as in a usual year. I puzzled over this one. One of the main purposes of government is the safety of its people. It's why we hire police officers, fire fighters, dispatchers, and EMS personnel. Included in this is maintaining safe roads. I certainly would be fine with paying a little more in property taxes for the snowplows to put the blade all the way to the pavement, for more salt to hit the roads, and for the neighborhoods to get at least one pass from the plows. So now, after 36 hours since the snow fell, my street is still covered in slush. UGH!

On a good note, one of my neighbors used his snow-blower and blew out the snow from my front sidewalk. I watched him plow out the sidewalks on the entire street. That was kind of him. My husband often does that for others too. He shoveled out two of our neighbors drives without their knowledge. So while the county hasn't kept up with keeping our roads safe, I have a neighbor who took the time to make sure that those who walk on our neighborhood sidewalks will be. That's twice now in the past month that I've observed a neighbor acting in a neighborly way without looking for a thank-you. Honestly, I didn't witness that very often in the city.

Recycling...Or Not

One of my favorite personal feel-good acts for me in the suburbs was recycling. Our waste management company gave us a large plastic bin that I could throw in all of my recycling materials without having to separate them. I could toss in my paper with glass, all kinds of plastic (beyond #1 and #2) along with metal. It was great! I felt I was doing my small, easy part for caring for God's creation. I put out my recycle bin along with the large garbage bin on wheels out to the curb every week and it was emptied. I brought it back to the house and returned it to it's spot in my mud room. It gave me a small pleasure knowing that something that benefits us didn't take any effort except for walking an extra 20 feet from my kitchen garbage can to my mud room recycle bin. It was easy to fit into my life style.

In the suburbs, recycling is a part of every day life. We paid an extra 10 cents for every pop can or bottle including beer. Water, tea, coffee, and juice bottles were not included in this effort unfortunately. This incentive to recycle drink containers was a money maker for every youth group, school club group or sports team, and generally anyone who needed a little extra cash. Students went door to door asking people for their bottles and cans. Others who needed a little extra cash would walk along busy roads picking them up off of the street or look in public trash cans to see if they might find some tossed away. To redeem them, every grocery store had bottle/can return machines that counted your returns and spit out a ticket with the dollar amount. You took it to the cashier and got your cash. Why every state doesn't do this is beyond me. It helps the environment and you only spend an extra 5 minutes at the grocery store every week returning your bottles and cans before you head in for grocery shopping. It easily fit into everyone's lifestyle.

I worked at a major university in the state and as you can imagine, recycling is a major concern. Every hallway of every building had bins for paper, bottles and cans, and regular garbage. Not only every hallway but every suite of offices and classrooms had designated containers. No one, and I mean no one, ever threw regular office paper away in the garbage. You didn't print on paper unless you absolutely had to. Paper is valuable and it's not something to use without a purpose. Our largest can in the office was dedicated to recycling paper and paperboard. Another major effort was to reduce paper and plastic drinking and eating utensils. Although we had toss-away coffee cups, drinking cups, and plastic-ware, we made a concerted effort to bring in washables so that we were not filling up the garbage can. The School of Business took the Green effort to amazing lengths. Every single item you took out of their cafeteria was either completely recyclable or compostable. The plastic drink cups and straws were made out of corn by products and could be tossed into the university compost pile. Nothing except food went into the garbage.

Then I moved to the country were you think composting and renewing the earth would be even more important because we know how waste impacts farmland and groundwater. First, I didn't get a nice big garbage bin on wheels with an attached lid from waste management. We had to either purchase our own garbage can or put it out in bags. Nor did I get curbside recycling like I had in the suburbs. It took me about two weeks to find where I could take my recyclables. Thankfully it exists in town. BUT...there are lots of rules. I have to separate out everything into their own boxes/containers. Plastics can only be #1 and #2 but I can include plastic bags. Newspapers go in one container while the supplements, office paper, paperboard, and cardboard go in a different container. Metals cans go in another container except for aluminum, which has to be separated out. Glass goes in another container without lids. This means I have 6 boxes in the basement that have to fit into my trunk when I drive to the recycling station. It's really an effort to separate everything and train my husband about its importance, taking it all down to the basement and placing it in the appropriate box. It's much more than tossing it in my catch all bin like I had in the suburbs and putting the bin out to the curb each week.

This state does not have a bottle and can law, and so there isn't much of an incentive to keep these items out of the trash. Oh, there are metal recyclers who will pay you for aluminum, but that is a major effort to crush the aluminum cans and find a recycler in another city who will take them. Then there is the consideration of the gas mileage difference between what you "make" by taking in the cans and the cost of gas to transport them to the recycler.

I remember my first Sunday in church when I had a water bottle and didn't know where to put it. Of course I wouldn't throw it in the garbage. Who does that? It's recyclable! I actually felt a rise in my gut when I was told that there is no recycling there and I had to throw it in the trash. Intellectually, I understand that it's garbage. But here's the thing, we are each responsible for using it. We are the consumers of the garbage. By throwing it away and it ending in a landfill, it affects my water. It doesn't break down. It continues the mindset of consumerism and is the antitheses of living more simply. Without consciously thinking about it we are acting in a selfish manner. "I used it, I don't want to think about the "cost" to my environment and the extra time it takes to do something about it." It's not a political issue in my mind. I'm far from a liberal environmentalist. I'm a Christian who believes that when God gave the care of the earth into our hands, my response to his beautiful handiwork is to take an extra minute or two every day to do what I can to make his creation a safer, healthier place. If that means I have 6 boxes in my basement and that I have to drive to the recycle station 2 miles away once every two weeks, then so be it.

When Is A Lawnmower Not A Lawnmower?

As I was sitting with my dog on the ottoman that looks out of our living room window, I saw a sight that made me want to dig for my camera. An older gentleman was driving a lawnmower down the street. This machine was bright red and shiny and had a grocery store carry basket attached to the front of the mower. You can imagine what I was wondering. Was he going to the gas station up the street to get a coffee? Was he on his way to visit someone? Is it street legal to drive a lawnmower on the streets of a town?

Then I noticed that he stopped in front of my house, leaned down and picked something up out of the gutter. He placed it at his feet. He did a u-turn and proceeded to slowly drive the curb across the street. He again, leaned down, picked something up and placed it at his feet. At this point he drove down the next house and my dog then wanted my attention. It dawned on me that this man was picking up litter on the street. I was stunned. Really...I was. This man determined on this chilly winter day that he was going to pick up litter and make our street a little bit more pleasant. Who does this? I don't know who he is and wish I did so that I could thank him. He brightened my day.

Courtesy and Personal Service

I love to read. I mean, I really love to read. Outside of the two and half years in grad school when I literally didn't have time to read books of my own choosing, I easily read a book or two per week. If I'm on vacation, it's usually one per day. As you can imagine, libraries are a big part of my life. In the suburbs I had access to some pretty incredible libraries. One even had a coffee shop inside so that you could sit and read like you might at Starbucks. The library closest to my house was a branch library, but it still was award winning and it had a lovely fireplace where I could cozy up on a cushy couch to read a magazine.

Living in a large suburb, one often feels as part of a cog in a big machine. Everything is automated without much personal service. Ever since I started going to my local branch I was taught how to use the library. I look up books on the computer, find them, go to the check out station, scan my items, put them in my book bag, go through the book detector (kind of like walking through a metal detector) and I'm on my way. To return them, I slide them in the outside drop off. Depending on which library I went to, one was like a giant mailbox and the other had slits in the outside wall where you deposited them. If I had an overdue book, I received an email. If it was really overdue, I received something in the mail.

When I visited my local library in the country, I didn't know how to use it because I was so used to doing everything myself. Now, there was a media specialist who could direct me to the books I wanted. She knew pretty much about what they had. Side note: there is an entire section, not just shelf, devoted to JUST Christian romance novels and fiction. You wouldn't find that in the suburbs. When I went to check out the first time, I didn't know what to do because I didn't see any check out stations! I went to the desk to ask how I check out and she said, "I'll do it for you," and she did. She scanned my book, tore off the due date printout, placed it in the pocket of the book, and handed it to me. Wow. Personal contact.

I was standing in the racks the other day overhearing conversations the media specialist had with young students who came for various reasons after school. She was asking a teen about her school day, what went well, what didn't, etc. The teen was invested in the conversation. As I passed the children's room, it was abuzz with sounds of children constructing with Legos for the Lego club. I remember years ago having conversations with librarians about books. I lost that in the suburbs because I didn't have any contact with another who shared my passion for reading. I didn't realize until being in the country that I missed that.

And then today. I received an email a couple of days ago reminding me that I had a book due. I knew it, but I didn't have a chance to get to the library the next day to return it. Today it's one day overdue and I planned to return it or renew it today. Imagine my surprise when my phone rang and the person identified herself from the library letting me know that book was overdue and would I like to renew it? I replied yes and she renewed it. What??? A personal phone call to renew my book? Wow.